I think best at night it’s quiet – and my brain scream f r e e d o o m , cause during the day, there’s always something going on.
Someone asking me something – wanna show me or tell me something and so on
Did you see this? Did you hear about? What DID you do? What are you doing? Where are my keys? Where are my socks? What are you gonna do next? What are we gonna have for dinner? WHO is that you’re talking to on the phone? Did you see how bright the new lights on the car were? (asking for the 10th time)
(and I’m not talking about just my kid here!)
Then you have the TV, radio, computer, phone, dishwasher, clock – tic tack – and even the cat! Mjaaaau! so when night comes, and I’m lucky, I get a little time on my own with my thoughts
Sometimes my brain bores me, cause it goes back to the same old thoughts – even tho I’m trying to think of something new
Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and emptiness so much so I break down in tears – sitting there – in the living room with my kid in one bedroom and my man in the other k n o w i n g I wanted that alone time - needed it but then feeling so utterly alone when it comes to the big picture
and sometimes I just fantasise about winning a million dollars
I like making plans and goals, I’m not always following or completing them, but it makes me feel like there’s something concrete to hold onto. Many people say making new year resolutions are bullshit, a cliche, that you can “start over” anytime. But most people don’t! It’s easier from 1 of January or maybe next Monday?
I’m one of those people. I’m always gonna start next Monday. This year tho, is different. I have a lot to fight for, and even more to lose I have last chances and I don’t want to waste them.
I’m also thinking about what my word for 2014 should be. Healthy? Faith? Strong? Hope? Do you have a word?