15/02/2014

"What if she feels like she's not enough?"



 my friend asked.

His question came when I opened up my heart about wanting another child. He was concerned about my daughter, and what he asked left me pausing. 

But then I realised, she wants me to have a baby almost as much as I do. 
She has always wanted a little brother or sister. Ever since she was small, she asked for me to have one. 

She has been very interested in our IVF treatments. And I have been very open about it. 
About the process, about the medications, about the retrievals. And she's been there when I injected myself
and she asked to be there for my embryo transfer. I wasn't sure if it would be too much, for her or for me. So I said no the first two times. We had enough with just our self - my man and I. Everything was new to us, and there were a lot of emotions to handle. But the 3 time, I let her come along. She was all excited, and got to watch the screen as they transferred the embryo. 

Sadly we haven't been lucky yet. And she did ask after the last treatment. Asked "what if you can't have anymore babies?" And I was honest, I told her that it would be sad, but that I was SO lucky having her, my beautiful girl. I was so lucky, that I got to be a mother - her mother, 
and that of course - she have to give me a lot of grand babies, in time. 
She laughed.      

All in all, yes there have been though times and there have been tears, but mostly we've been keeping our spirit up and are looking forward to the next treatment, with hope. And my daughter doesn't question my love for her because I want another child. We are all in this, hoping for the same, to grow our family.





On another note, my man is on his way to Africa, so Valentine's day was mother-daughter day!
We had her favorite dinner and watched her favorite show - The Vampire Diaries. Kind of funny when she's crushing on Damon Salvatore, played by Ian Somerhalder. I told her - "you know he's older than me in real life?" She laughed and asked me to shut up, she knew and didn't need a reminder - AND he didn't look as old as me. Well, thank you very much honey! hehe.. 

And as my man is on his way to Africa, so is my camera. Which means I will take a dive in the library, and maybe recycle some photos from my old blog to accompany my writing the next week or so. 




13 comments:

  1. Sometimes it is difficult to decide. I hope everything will go well.

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  2. Love your photos and this particular one makes me want to have a nice hot cup of Joe right this minute...and jump back into the bed. What a very personal and private moment in your life to share - I wish you tons of health and happiness through this journey, and I love how you put it: ". We are all in this, hoping for the same, to grow our family."

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    1. Sometimes it's good to be personal, even for the whole world to read.

      Thank you.

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  3. I hope it all works out for the best.

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  4. Hoping it works out for you but if it doesn't your daughter is amazing :)

    Michelle F.

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  5. I totally get this. I have been having a similar debate with my husband. My son is begging for a brother or sister. Good luck with everything!

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  6. We had issues but never had to resort to IVF. I don't think I could have handled a child around when I did my injections - it was emotionally and physically difficult alone, aside from having a spectator. I hope that you are finally blessed with another. My heart goes out to you...

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    1. If she was younger I wouldn't have let her in on the process as much as I have.
      But she's nearly 13, and a very grown up teenager, so she understands a lot and are very positive about it.

      Also, after we went through it 2 times, the 3 time, it felt very "normal - this is what we are used to", so it was nice having her there for the embryo transfer.

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  7. First off I love your photos! Next I hope whatever you all want you are able to have. Having kids and deciding how many, if any, are always important decisions. I am an only child and I loved it for the most part. I honestly cant say I recall a time when I thought about having a sibling or felt that I was lacking or missing out. Even now. I have 5 kids though and I do wonder sometimes what it would have been like for them if there was only 1 of them. I dont ever see how that would have been an option now that I have them and I see how they interact on a day to day. So again good luck to you and your family in whatever happens.

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  8. This is such a hard choice to make. I wish you the best in this choice and will be thinking of you.

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  9. I think children like the idea of siblings. We have 3, and they all know I want a 4th, and I can't imagine anyone of them thinking they aren't enough. I hope you are successful. I know how heart wrenching it can be.

    And, I have to admit The Vampire Diaries are a guilty pleasure for me, though I admit that to no one, lol.

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